Cleveland, OH — After two decades, countless Windows updates, and three presidencies, local resident and part-time IT hobbyist Larry Brenner has finally completed a file download he began in 2004.
The 700MB file — a copy of LimeWire_Installer.exe — had been quietly running for nearly 21 years, according to system logs rescued from an external hard drive that outlived five family pets and one marriage.
“I don’t even remember what the file was,” Brenner admitted, staring blankly at the CRT monitor that still serves as his primary display. “I just know I wasn’t going to cancel it. I’d already come too far.”
The Longest Progress Bar in History
Windows XP originally estimated “39 years remaining,” then revised that forecast hundreds of times — sometimes optimistically, often cruelly.
“At one point it said ‘2 minutes remaining’ for, like, 11 months,” Brenner recalled. “That was the Bush administration.”
Asked why he never restarted the download, he shrugged. “Because Windows said pausing might disrupt performance,” he said. “I’m not stupid.”
A Heroic Commitment to Completion
Family members confirmed that Brenner kept the same beige tower running through multiple relocations, power outages, and existential crises.
“We begged him to let it go,” said his sister, Marlene. “Every time we said ‘just delete it,’ he whispered, ‘Not yet.’”
The custom-built Dell Dimension 3000 reportedly survived:
- 12 operating system migrations (XP → Vista → 7 → 10 → 11 → “whatever this is”)
- 4 internet providers
- The death of Internet Explorer
- One divorce allegedly caused by “buffering”
Brenner even moved the file to a series of external drives over the years, calling the transfer “my legacy project.”
Microsoft Engineers Celebrate — Sort Of
A Microsoft spokesperson described the event as “technically miraculous” but “existentially depressing.”
“The fact that Windows networking survived this long without a forced update is… not something we want to advertise,” they said. “Honestly, the guy deserves a medal or a firmware recall.”
Internal sources confirmed that a special telemetry alert triggered in Redmond when the file completed, with a banner reading “One Remaining User Has Finally Finished.”
“This was the last Windows XP transfer still running on Earth,” said one engineer. “It’s like SETI detecting a signal from deep space — except the alien was Larry from Ohio.”
The Broader Impact: A Nation Reckons With Commitment
Economic Ripple Effects
Economists at MIT estimate Brenner’s electricity consumption for maintaining the download cost approximately $847 over 21 years — roughly one month of LimeWire Pro subscription fees, adjusted for inflation.
“This represents the single most inefficient file transfer in American history,” said Dr. Patricia Wendell, professor of digital economics. “He could have downloaded the entire Library of Congress seventeen times with that power draw.”
AEP Ohio, Brenner’s utility provider, issued a statement noting that his address had been flagged for “suspicious activity” in 2009, 2014, and 2019, suspecting either a grow operation or “a really depressed refrigerator.”
“Turns out it was just a guy downloading FrostWire,” said company spokesman Dale Hutchins. “Honestly, we’re relieved.”
Impact on the ISP Industry
The download outlasted three internet service providers, each of whom assumed the connection was legacy infrastructure they weren’t legally allowed to terminate.
“We inherited his account from Adelphia,” said a Spectrum customer service representative who requested anonymity. “There were notes in the system that said ‘DO NOT TOUCH — UNKNOWN PROTOCOL.’ We thought it was government.”
TimeWarner Cable reportedly budgeted for his bandwidth in quarterly earnings reports between 2007 and 2013. “He represented 0.0000002% of our network load,” admitted former CTO Richard Vasquez. “But we didn’t have the heart to kill it. It was like watching a sea turtle crawl to the ocean. You just… let it happen.”
The Divorce Settlement That Defined a Decade
Court documents reveal that Brenner’s 2011 divorce specifically addressed “The Download” in the asset division.
“She wanted me to choose: the marriage or the file,” Brenner said, eyes distant. “I told her I’d already invested eight years.”
The decree granted Janet Brenner full custody of the Netflix password, while Larry retained “all incomplete downloads, torrents, and associated denial.” Judge Martha Kellerman later called the proceeding “ precedent-setting in digital obstinacy law.”
Global Reactions and Diplomatic Implications
Governments worldwide had been quietly monitoring the transfer through various surveillance programs. “We assumed it was a covert CIA operation,” admitted a French intelligence officer. “No rational person would wait 21 years for 700 megabytes.”
The Chinese Ministry of Technology praised Brenner’s “revolutionary persistence in the face of Western broadband inadequacy,” while simultaneously censoring all mentions of LimeWire for “promoting digital piracy.”
North Korean state media ran a headline proclaiming: “American Capitalist Internet So Broken, Single File Takes Two Decades — Glorious DPRK Intranet Downloads Propaganda in Minutes.”
The United Nations briefly considered designating the download an “Intangible Cultural Heritage of Stubborn Humanity” before the U.S. delegation objected, worried it would “encourage others to ignore software updates.”
Academic and Philosophical Perspectives
MIT Study: “The Sunk Cost Fallacy as Performance Art”
Behavioral economists at MIT have requested Brenner’s brain for study, theorizing his neural pathways may have reorganized around commitment to lost causes.
“Most people experience cognitive dissonance and quit,” explained Dr. Raymond Chou. “Mr. Brenner weaponized denial into a lifestyle.”
Stanford Philosophy Department Hosts Symposium
A three-day conference titled “The Ethics of Digital Persistence: When Patience Becomes Pathology” debated whether Brenner embodies existential commitment or merely pathological denial of obsolescence.
“He is our Sisyphus,” declared Professor Angela Voss. “Except the boulder is a loading bar, and the hill is his inability to click ‘Cancel.’”
A dissenting professor argued Brenner is “the only honest person in the digital age,” insisting, “Larry never lied to himself. He knew the pain was permanent and chose to endure it.”
Religious Leaders Find Meaning
The Vatican compared Brenner’s perseverance to “the patience of Job, if Job were waiting for a pirated Metallica album.” Buddhist monks in Nepal reportedly meditated on the progress bar as a koan: “If a file completes and the user has forgotten what it is, did it ever truly download?”
A megachurch pastor in Houston briefly used Brenner’s story in a sermon titled “Faithful to the Finish,” then apologized after learning the file was LimeWire.
The Technological Autopsy
Forensics experts discovered the download actually completed in 2006, but a corrupted registry entry convinced Windows it was still ongoing.
“The file was just… sitting there,” said digital archaeologist Kevin Tam. “Windows has been lying to him for 19 years.” Brenner reportedly shrugged. “Sounds about right,” he said.
Engineers remain baffled by the Dell Dimension 3000’s survival despite 183,000 hours of runtime, fourteen fan failures, and what appeared to be a mouse family living in the power supply from 2011 to 2013.
“This machine wanted to finish,” said repair technician Doug Mansfield. “I’ve never seen components will themselves into function. The motherboard had scorch marks arranged in Roman numerals. I think it was counting.”
Dell has offered to place the PC in its corporate museum in exchange for a new Alienware rig. Brenner declined. “I don’t need gaming,” he said. “I need closure. And I already got that.”
The File Itself: A Time Capsule of Questionable Legality
Upon opening the installer, Brenner discovered a corrupted setup wizard, several decades-old pop-up ads, and a “bonus toolbar” that immediately crashed Microsoft Edge.
“It tried to install Ask Jeeves,” he said. “I didn’t even know that guy was still around.”
FBI cyber forensics, who examined the file “out of professional curiosity,” found fragments of “Metallica-Fuel.mp3” (actually Smash Mouth), 42 banner ads for Netflix’s DVD rental service, Bonzi Buddy’s source code, a digital signature from DEFINITELY_NOT_VIRUS.com, a stray college essay on The Great Gatsby, and 300KB of existential dread.
Local Reaction and Community Impact
Neighbors say they tracked “The Download” like a community weather event. Local bar O’Malley’s ran a betting pool beginning in 2008 that finally paid out $3,400 to Margaret Chen, who drunkenly predicted “sometime around the third Trump thing.”
Brenner’s employer confirmed he lists “Patience” as a core competency on his résumé, citing the 21-year transfer as evidence. “We thought it was a typo,” said HR director Paul Simmons. “Now we understand.”
The Aftermath and Future Implications
Moments after the download “completed,” Windows demanded a restart. Brenner clicked “Restart Later,” the system crashed, and the tower began to smoke.
“Honestly, I’m at peace,” he said, sipping coffee beside the smoldering case. “It was never about the file. It was about the journey.”
Fire marshals blamed “thermal surprise” — the PC’s cooling system had apparently forgotten how to function without an active download. “The CPU basically had a heart attack from relief,” said technician Sarah Wen.
An Ohio state senator has introduced the “Right to Reasonable Download Times Act,” requiring ISPs to complete transfers within “one human lifetime.” The bill stalled in committee after telecom lobbyists argued “some users prefer the anticipation.”
Brenner, now adrift without his progress bar, has launched a support group called Post-Download Depression. Attendance has been minimal. “Turns out I’m the only one stupid enough to wait,” he conceded.
He is already planning the sequel: throttling his connection to download a 4K movie over dial-up. “Should take me into my seventies,” he said. “Windows was right. It really did take 39 years.” He paused. “Wait, no — 21.”
“Close enough.”
Editor’s Note: Microsoft has offered Brenner access to the Windows 12 Insider Preview, warning that setup may take “approximately 15 years, give or take depending on Wi-Fi.” As of press time, the installer has been calculating time remaining for six hours straight.